


Everything is Ending

by lilylashes



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-16
Updated: 2014-06-16
Packaged: 2018-02-04 20:58:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1793014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilylashes/pseuds/lilylashes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John did not forgive Sherlock when he came back from the dead. He told Sherlock to stay away from him, and surprisingly enough, Sherlock complied... Until one night. The night before John was to marry Mary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything is Ending

**EVERYTHING IS ENDING**  
by lilylashes

John opened the door to his room, and thought his heart had failed him. Before him stood Sherlock, his face flushed and his hair in even a bigger state of disarray than usual. His eyes were rimmed with red, and somewhat glassy. And despite his untamed appearance, he had never looked more beautiful to the ex-Army doctor.

'Sherlock,' he gasped quietly, not daring to believe his eyes. He had not been this close to the detective since Sherlock had returned from the dead like a bat out of hell. John supposed that that assessment wasn't all that inaccurate. It made his heart ache to be so near to his (former) best friend, knowing he could not take him in his arms and be close to him again.

'John,' Sherlock replied, his voice hoarse and somewhat slurred. It was then that John noticed that he was clutching a half empty bottle of gin. Remembering Mycroft's warning about Danger Nights, John suspected that Sherlock was very rapidly approaching inebriation, if he wasn't there already.

'Sherlock, what-' John began, but he was cut off abruptly by the detective launching himself clumsily into his arms. John stumbled backwards a few feet before regaining his balance and keeping both he and Sherlock from toppling over.

'John,' Sherlock mumbled again, his voice barely a whisper as he wrapped his arms around the man's neck. He brought his face close to John's, and with the lightest of touches, brushed his lips against the doctor's.

John had to fight every urge within his body at that particular moment to not to simply snog Sherlock senseless right there in the doorway. Instead, he gently pushed the other man away, though it took all his will power to do so.

'Why have you come here, Sherlock?' he asked, almost afraid of the answer he might receive. Sherlock straightened up unsteadily and looked directly into John's eyes.

'I have missed you,' Sherlock admitted sheepishly, 'I have thought of you often -- every day. Many times. Many times I missed you.'

John's coughed several times to clear the lump in his throat, 'I've missed you too, Sherlock. More than words can describe.'

'Then why do we do this, John? I- I love you. I have never loved another -- ever. Why do I love you... Why can't I stop loving you?' Sherlock rambled drunkenly. He tried to ebb the flow of words coming from his mouth, but he found that the more he tried to stay silent, the more he realised that he needed to be heard, 'I want so badly to hate you, to stop loving you, but I fear the only thing that will cause that would be my death. My true death, a real death, not some carefully constructed scene to ward off a triple homicide from a proven psychopath. Maybe then you would forgive me, John. Would you forgive me if I died?'

Not waiting for John to reply, Sherlock continued on drunkenly, 'During those years away, I thought surely death would find me, but still I survived. And now, I love you, but cannot have you. After all these years of forcing myself to stay alive, now I wish to die. What is wrong with me, John? Why am I so... So... Unsatisfactory?'

'Oh, Sherlock,' John breathed, as he took the other man's face in his hands, 'You are anything but unsatisfactory. You are good and strong and beautiful. You are worthy of all the love in the world, worthy of so much love...'

Sherlock looked directly into the man's eyes then, causing John's mouth to go dry.

'Just not worthy of your love, then, John?' he asked quietly, his words steady as stone. Tears welled in Johns eyes as he fought to control his emotions.

'No, you're not worthy of my love,' the man said , his voice cracking. Sherlock looked as though he had been struck, but John continued, 'You, Sherlock, you deserve so much more love than what I have to offer. You deserve the world, and a man who can truly give you all of his heart, who can lift you up and hold you high as you deserve. You are worthy of so much more than my love.'

Sherlock's eyes filled with tears again, and he squeezed his eyes shut as if trying to compose himself. He let out a a few shuddering sobs, and John saw him clench his fists and bite his lip. 

He could not help himself then; he wrapped his arms around the detective, and held him fast to his chest. He murmured his name over and over, Sherlock, Sherlock, Sherlock, until the word became a sigh, and then nothing more than sweet breath upon his lips. Finally, after hundreds upon hundreds of days of atrophy, he was finally able to breathe again. He savoured the luxury of having Sherlock in his arms again, relished the feel of Sherlock's cool skin against his own, glutted himself on Sherlock's intoxicating scent.

Sherlock did nothing more than let himself be held. He could not force himself to move from the other man's embrace, nor did he want to. At some point, John moved them from the doorway into the flat, but Sherlock was not aware enough to note when. If he were ever to retell this story, he would have to say he magically appeared on John's bed after several milennia of blissful nothingness.

John brushed his lips against Sherlock's hair, his cheeks, his ears, his eyelids. As Sherlock's eyes fluttered open, he gazed up at the man and in a voice that was barely more than a whisper, he said:

'Make love to me, John.'

It was a good thing John had gone through such rigorous medical training, because he was fairly certain that upon hearing those words, his heart stopped in his chest, and had he not seen concern overtake Sherlock's expression, surely his friends and family would have had a very different reason to gather in the morning light, for he felt as though he might die on the spot. When he was finally in control of his senses, he pulled himself away from the detective just enough to be able to take in the entire scene before him.

Sherlock laid beneath him, his cheeks flushed, his lips parted, his eyes wide and bright. Though John had lived forty-some-odd years on this green earth and spent years on the wide desert sands of Afghanistan under millions of stars, he knew then that even that spectacular landscape could not compare to a sight as beautiful as the desperate, inebriated man below him. He was glorious. He was divine. He was altogether out of reach.

'Sherlock...' he whispered, his heart breaking at about the same time as his voice, 'I can't... I... I am marrying Mary in the morning. You're not sober. You don't know what you're saying. I couldn't do that to you, take advantage of you, especially after what I said that night you came back...'

'Please, John,' Sherlock countered quietly, his eyes focusing immediately, 'Please. I am perfectly aware of this moment. I know we won't have forever... Please, just give me this night.'

John could not speak, but within seconds, found himself so completely consumed by Sherlock that he felt that he was drowning. He wished he would never have to wake.

_Everything is ending_   
_I can't believe I didn't see it sooner_   
_I know that this what I need to do_   
_Even though you haven't got a clue_   
_Everything is changing_   
_I have to keep you by my side tonight_   
_And this must be_   
_Why you found me_   
_Why you found me_

_((Everything is Ending -- Chameleon Circuit -- Still Got Legs))_

**Author's Note:**

> Posted thanks to the encouragement of a very kind friend at holyartistsblockbatman.tumblr.com... If you liked this fic, definitely check her out, especially if you like Daft Punk, Sherlock, Doctor Who, fanart, or awesome people in general.


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